just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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