Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
