He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
