The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
