Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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