We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
this is an emotional support booty call
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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