A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
