so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dignity is for republicans.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
