The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
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he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
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Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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