The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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