Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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