rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
