I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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