I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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