You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Your dad touched me again.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
