I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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