Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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