I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
