I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
