When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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