Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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