I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
