Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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