i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
