Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Are my feet made of real feet?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
