I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
