Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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