well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
