This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
