then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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