Betty ford says i'm here all night
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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