She is in my trunk
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
