Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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