how can u be prego again
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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