i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
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Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
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Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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