He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
