Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
