I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
