Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
