ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You made out with two different species that night
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
