My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
