You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
