i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
