I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
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