I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
