You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
