Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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