He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
