I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
