If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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