U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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