he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
