i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
