I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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