What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
