when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
