I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize