tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
