just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
