We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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