I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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