No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
only if we run a train.
done.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
