I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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