taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
this hospital has no fireball
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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