I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
