It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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