I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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