it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
